How to date your spouse
I’ve been married for 17 years. Before I go and sound like a ‘smug married’, let me tell you now that these 17 years have not been 100% plain sailing. We’ve had good times, fantastic times, ok times and some really tough times, too.
We’ve learned a lot about each other, we’ve both changed a lot, and fortunately we’ve grown together.
Quality time together
We’ve found we always feel much closer when we schedule regular quality time together. We’re busy people with our careers, family, friends, pets, our home and garden and all the things that need doing. So: we go on a date every single week.
Here are my tips on how to successfully date your husband/wife!
Schedule it in
Like I said, life gets sooo busy. We put our dates into the calendar; alternating between a date night or a date day each week. We’re flexible; ie if date night is Friday and we get an invite to do something fun with friends, we might move our date to Saturday. BUT only if Saturday is free. Dates take priority over everything else; so unless it’s really unavoidable, they don’t get cancelled.
Make it a surprise
We take it in turn to plan our dates and don’t tell the other person what we’re doing until fairly last minute. This adds a bit more excitement and romance AND forces us to get creative on the idea front.
Set a few rules
My hubs and I run a business together: but we are not allowed to talk about it during dates! We also don’t talk about our daughter; much as we love her, this is time for US. We also agreed to not go on our phones; spend time with the most important person in your life and skip social media for a few hours!
Turn up with the right mindset
If you’ve had a crappy day, or week, and you’re tired and feeling a bit negative… you’re not going to make a good date! This is one of the most important relationships in your life, so don’t let the other person down. If you’re struggling then do a few things to get energised and in the right headspace. Meditate, put on some music and dance around, write down a list of things you’re grateful for, and remember that this should be the highlight of your week: time with the person who loves you.
Make a little effort to get dressed up
Of course, if you’re going off hiking in a muddy forest, don’t bother. But remember when you first met? You made an effort. Not only will putting nice clothes on show you’re still willing to make that effort, but it’ll help you to feel nice and good on the inside, too.
Don’t just go out for food
Sometimes, we do the standard date night thing and go out for a meal (although not during the pandemic, of course!) and have some wine or cocktails. And it’s always lovely. But we both much prefer doing something a bit different and memorable. Here are some of our dates so far:
Royal Observatory & London Planetarium
Days out to Cambridge, Bath, Oxford, London, Lincoln
Picnics
Sunsets
Archery lessons
Night away in a hotel
Museums
Historical attractions
National Trust gardens/properties
Bear Grylls Adventure (Birmingham)
Theatre; last time we saw a great Elvis tribute
Music gigs (bands we like but also things like Proms in the Park)
Comedy shows
Date nights in: (only if our daughter isn’t home!)
Scavenger hunt
Cooking / baking together
Movie night
Games night
Looking back at old photos and videos
Writing bucket lists of all the things we want to do, places we want to go, etc.
Watching YouTube videos of destinations we want to go on future holidays
The couple that spends quality time together, stays together ♥
Thinking: I’ve got kids, I can’t do this!?
We’re lucky in that our daughter is now 19, but if you have young children then find a babysitter. If you don’t have any friends or family to ask, maybe see if you can find other parents who have the same problem, and you can help each other out.
Don’t feel guilty: you were a couple before you had kids, and hopefully you’ll still be a couple when they fly the nest! And teaching them that it’s important for couples to spend quality time together is surely no bad thing.